If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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