Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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