and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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