Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
