then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
