**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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