How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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