How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
