Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Help. Why am I so naked?
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