I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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