Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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