She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
