Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
