i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
