I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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