I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
