He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
