sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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