Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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