It's Friday. Sex?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
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I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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