I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
