i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i will never coherently bang her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
