the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
