Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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