Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
