Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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