As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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