the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
