i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
