just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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