He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
