you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
