i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
