i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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