There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
