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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
