Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i have two assholes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
