I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
