He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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