he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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