I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Green mimosas i think yes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
