I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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