I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
