It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
