There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
