I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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