Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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