im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
