I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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