Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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