I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk is not a location!
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