'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
