When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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