Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
