this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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