My friends, they love my intelligence
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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