I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
