i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
