If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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