It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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