Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
