Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
